did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
