Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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