yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
