My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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