Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
