I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize