eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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