ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
