come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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