Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
