I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her facebook's as public as her vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
