your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
third nipple confirmed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
