Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
