Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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