I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
