2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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