That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
