Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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