you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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