I just made out with a guy for $7.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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