I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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