I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
