We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
