i barfeds in our rink
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
