I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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