perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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