She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize