so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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