If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
