So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
