i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
