If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
