I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
