i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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