Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.

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(503): View more from Oregon

after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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(813): View more from Florida

We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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(309): View more from Illinois

Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex

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(540): View more from Virginia

false alarm, still single

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