I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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