my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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