I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
