I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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