i already hear my dad disowning me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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