WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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