K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
