I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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