You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
