I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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