if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
