Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
nutella sex= disaster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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