nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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