I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
