How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
