just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
