some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
