fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
