I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
