Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
