I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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