Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
