i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
