your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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