What a fucking waste of an outfit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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