There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize