wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you never un-have a 4some
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
