Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
