I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
