is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize