i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize