Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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