If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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