you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
