What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize