trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize