I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
