If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
