Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize