i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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