I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
