You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
