you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
