After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
