Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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