my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
