i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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