best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
