Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
