remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
