I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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