so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the raccoons are back...
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