Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
