Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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