So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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