Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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