Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
