Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
