sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
