Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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