when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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