I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
