it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
