she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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