Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
