I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
