The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
