Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
