Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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