They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
