you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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