fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
