I'm really into asian looking animals
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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