i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
