Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
